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2006-07-04—Punch lines....And Their Jokes (Volume2)

 
Jewish humor


Punch lines

 


Jewish Punch lines... and their jokes, Vol. 2


jewishsightseeing.com
,  July 4, 2006

See Volume 1 (1-75)


And, now, to enliven your Fourth of July party, a second volume of Jewish punch lines... and their jokes, as retold by Bruce Lowitt.  Click on the punch line, and you'll find the joke —Editor

By Bruce Lowitt

76. I wiped my hands on the drapes."

77. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."

78. "Go back and tell her you want a speaking part."

79. "Force yourself."

80. "Yes or no."

81. "Needs ironing. What's for dinner."

82. "That's crazy. Where did you hear such mishigas?"

83. "They have eight guys rowing and one guy shouting."

84. "It doesn't matter. The winner was a Japanese horse named something like Yamaka."

85. "The vote was 12 to 9 in favor."

86. "See, already you're getting smarter."

87. "So who's the caterer?"

88. "Okay, sixteen reform, nine conservative and five orthodox."

89. "While you were screwing around you missed the seven-thirty-five."

90. "Thank God I don't have cancer."

91.  "So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"

92. "Moishe, look who's trying to teach us marketing."

93.  "They're for the shiva!"

94.  "Find the guy who put a mezuzah on each gate!"

95.  "We're from the groom's side of the family."

96.  "With whom?"

97.  "Mazel tov!"

98.  "And I want her to go crazy looking for it."

99.  "That's what they call it now.":

100. "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Bonus: Imagine these conversations in a Jewish neighborhood