San Diego Jewish World

 'There's a Jewish story everywhere'
                                               

 

 Vol. 1, No. 170

          Wednesday evening,  October 17, 2007
 
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                               Today's Postings

Sherry Berlin in San Diego: "Sammy Spider's webmaster coming to SD Jewish Book Fair"

Peter Garas in Gordon, Australian Capital Territory: "Jewish Memories:
Australian BBYO activists designed intensive Jewish camp experience"


Donald H. Harrison in San Diego: "
Whistling right up to the bully"

                                The w
eek in Review
                            (
click on dates to see bac
k issues)



Tuesday, October 16

Garry Fabian in Melbourne, Australia: "Shul accuses cab companies of charging elderly exorbitant fares" ... "Jewish youths attacked in hate crime" ... "Wife charged with murder of missing Israeli"

Donald H. Harrison
in San Diego: "
Study shows Jewish schools pay female principals less than male counterparts"

Dora Klinova in La Mesa, California: "The first Americans in my life."


Fred Reiss in Winchester, California: "Christian afterword sours analysis of Torah and Book of Joshua"


                       

Monday, October 15


Donald H. Harrison
in San Diego: "Sentimental short stories depict men living up to Judaism's tenets"

Shahar Masori
in San Diego: "
The Land of Milk and Honey: the film, the song, and the country"

Susie Meltzer
in San Diego: "What skill level will you choose for a raft ride through Judaism?"


                                             
Photo Stories

Three Agencies, One Building
Agency for Jewish Education joins the United Jewish Federation and the Jewish Community Foundation in common quarters in San Diego.


Sunday, October 14

Donald H. Harrison in San Diego, California: "Jumping rooftops over the streets of Pop"

Joe Naiman
in Lakeside, California: "
How MLB Jews performed in 2007"

Sheila Orysiek in San Diego
: "
Malashock Dance presents Let’s Duet, a studio series, at the Dance Place"  

Michelle Rizzi
in Coronado, California:
"Ghosts, hiding places, U.S. Presidents: Growing up at the Hotel del Coronado"
 


Saturday, October 13

Ellen B. Graber in Palatine, Illinois: "Never again: Why I signed the petition to remove JewWatch from the Google list."

Donald H. Harrison in San Diego: "
Temple Solel bar mitzvah student wins big on TV's Jeopardy show"







 

Joel Moskowitz, MD and Arlene Moskowitz, JD in La Jolla: "A genetic detective story to be told at San Diego Jewish Book Fair"


Friday, October 12

Donald H. Harrison in San Diego: "Movie poses question when a Jew should stay or leave a country"

Rabbi Baruch Lederman
in San Diego: "Gentle art of Jewish persuasion."



Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
in San Diego: "Excellent occasions to daven mincha"

                                      Photo Stories

Gevatron in San Diego..... Photos from Eyal Dagan

All Together, Grandma .... License Plate Photos from Melanie Rubin


Thursday, October 11

Carol Davis in Costa Mesa, California: "Shipwrecked! An Entertainment lives up to description in its name"

Garry Fabian
in Melbourne, Australia: "Amcor anti-Semitic slur angers community" ... "
Hilaly still teaching in Lakemba" ... "New Zealand welcomes Israel's envoy"

Donald H. Harrison
in San Diego: "
Local foundation funds research, counsels patients on fighting prostate cancer"

Joe Naiman in Arcadia, California: "
Other actresses can have Broadway; Abrams prefers to work at the track"

Larry Zeiger in San Diego:
"Hey, Jude chases Lucy in the sky with diamonds across the universe"
 

Wednesday, October 10

Judy Lash Balint in Jerusalem: "Creating facts on the ground in a new battle for Jerusalem"

Cynthia Citron
in Los Angeles: "Begin legacy stirs memories as L.A. crowd marks 30th anniversary of Egypt-Israel peace process"

Sheila Orysiek in San Diego: "Better editing would have benefited the memoir Hilda"



 



Archive of Previous Issues
 



 
 





 

Jewish Memories
Australian BBYO activists designed intensive Jewish camp experience

By Peter Garas

GORDON, Australian Capital Territory—When I was the Youth Director of the NSW B'Nai B'Brith Youth Organisation, I noted that there were many young adults who were alienated from their Judaism and who were totally uninvolved in the life of their community.

There were many groups available to them covering the full continuity of political, social and religious perspectives. For example:

·     Habonim, which represented a left-wing Zionist perspective 

Betar, which represented the right-wing Zionist perspective

   ·   B'nai Akiva, which represented the Zionist religious perspective

·        Specific religious youth groups which were associated with many if not all of the synagogues representing the spectrum of religious views in the community

   ·   B'nai B'rith – this represented a most 'unusual' set of groups. For ages 13-17 there was AZA and then from 18-20+ BBY. This set of groups did not push any specific political perspective or any specific religious perspective or indeed a Zionist perspective. The essential underpinnings of these groups lay within the B'nai B'rith organisation's principles concerning the uniting of all Jews regardless of their religious orientation, Ahova, brotherhood; benevolence (expressed as Tzedakah which is a more selfless expression than benevolence) Ahdut or Harmony.

The proliferation of these groups led to a number of opportunities and threats within the community. The opportunities comprised a wide set of choices for the youth to encounter a wide range of views and perspectives and so develop their outlooks on life and be trained to make the choices later in life that would determine the perspectives from within which they lived their lives.


Peter Garas, circa 1968

It was also an opportunity for those pushing a particular point of view or outlook to influence the younger generations of the community and so engender their support when they became adults.

The potential down side was that there was a considerable level of competition among the groups for membership and there was difficulty in finding leaders and adult supervision to ensure the successful continuity of the groups across years of activity.  

It would be true to say that the better financed the group by its parent association the more likely it was to have annual rebirth, successful recruitment and ongoing management of activities.

Those groups that were not as well supported seemed to start, grow, get weaker and die only to be resurrected at a later time and go through the cycle again.

At the time there were a number of us, including those listed below who wanted try and make a difference and try to remedy this situation:

Michael C, Gabriella C, David F, Suzanne M, Geoff F and Louise N, and Peter G (me).

We were involved in discussions about what if anything could be done to expose young people born into the Jewish faith to the continuum of Judaism that encompassed the non religious through to orthodox, non Zionist to Zionist, culturally unaware to culturally committed etc. In short, the gamut of Jewish experience.

Our discussions were based on the reality that so many Jewish kids simply rejected any buy in to their community and their heritage and left to join the more general society leaving their heritage behind. We all considered that this was a pity and could or at worst would leave the community more and more exposed to such integration and amalgamation into the general Australian community as to diminish the ability of the Jewish community to maintain and nurture its unique contribution to that society.

As our discussions progressed, we gradually formed the view that it would be an interesting experiment to see what would happen if we created a complete Jewish experience for young people in a site which was far removed from any temptations of the outside world – ie at a camp.

Our ideas progressed to notions asking each young person who was accepted into the proposed program to commit up front, before acceptance to the program to a week of trying every activity, every experience, every task and chore that formed the basis of the program.

Then we started to plan seven days of activities from waking to sleeping time which was totally saturated with Jewish experiences. This involved the learning of morning prayers, the laying of tefillin, the maintenance of strict Kashrut, the crafts being taught and practised producing things that would be used in the culmination of the program which was the invitation to the Sabbath bride on the evening of the Friday and the various activities which were permitted on a genuinely observed Shabbat.

All of our sporting activities and our social activities were based on association with the twelve tribes of Israel, our ceremonies were taken each day from a different Jewish tradition ranging from reform through to ultra orthodox to enable the youngsters to experience the full range of HOW things were done in each of the branches or sections of Jewish belief.

Having had the idea and being enthused by it we found a name for the proposal, Pegesha, or meeting, which was as best as we could reconstruct the notion of community from the Hebrew.

We then set about meticulously planning the activities, the funding, the advertising, the catering, the arts, crafts, sports and social activities.

This took over six months of regular activity meetings and learning. Each of us who were involved needed to be ahead of the kids and so we learnt from each other. We involved resources as necessary to teach ourselves skills that we did not have and knowledge that we needed to pull this project off.

As the only 'paid' youth worker I was nominally the project manager. However in all honesty this was a project in which all of the participants contributed equally with full consensual decision making. I believed that unless each one of us was committed fully to the end product, it would not work.   The youngsters we were inviting to participate would sense the disharmony among us and would exploit this to avoid the immersing effects of the whole experience.

To fund the program and subsidise the attendance of young people at what we calculated would otherwise be at a prohibitive cost we engaged in discussions with existing organisations and pointed out to them that such a program was in their interest as it would identify and gather young people who were not already involved in the Jewish community or its activities.

Thus it could produce recruits for their programs or at minimum would at least get some of the kids to explore their Judaism and should result in at least (in our estimation based on our research) a 60% take up rate of at least three explorations of community based organisations so that the halo and ripple effects emerging from the experience could be carried forward. It was also something that could benefit experienced members of existing groups to see.  They could experience and learn new youth leadership techniques through the program and be exposed to professionals who were providing this program.

Our advertising was based on the notion that a picture is worth a thousand words – so we created a cartoon book which represented an imaginary conversation between a radical looking character (ie the young person) and a caricature 'oldie' – ie a parent. The response to our advertising was phenomenal.

Within a week of the promotion we had over two hundred applicants and we then needed to cull these applications down to the numbers we believed we could handle and could take through the experience with safety. We figured on a ratio of five kids to each supervisor so since we had seven worker supervisors we limited the size of the camp to 35 kids and frankly I thought we had bitten off a little more than we could chew, but as it turned out the ratio was about right. One more kid each would have broken our spirits as adults, but one less would not have stretched our ingenuity enough.

The event culminated with the Sabbath. All of the candles had been made by the participants, the clothing in which we dressed the Sabbath Bride; the prayers were learnt during the week, as were the songs and the ceremonial components. 

The challah was baked by the youngsters and all the food preparation was undertaken by them throughout the week under the supervision and control of André V the caterer.  

Karen was our Sabbath bride.  The ceremony in which Karen as the Sabbath Bride was installed followed by her welcoming in the Sabbath, the meal, the ceremonies, the prayers, the songs the sense of family which was born and lingered into the night was an experience that brought tears of joy to the eyes and a feeling of warmth and belonging that was acquired from the common work, and experiential learning that the group enjoyed for the seven days of the camp

All of this experience was written down and stored in archive boxes in the BB Headquarters at Woolloomooloo and I am aware of it being uplifted and moved to the new head office when the organisation moved in the 1970's (or was it eighties?) in Sydney.

So too were all the other records which were meticulously kept by me on how to build, maintain and resource youth groups together with all of the guidelines for activity creation, ice breakers, social activities, camps, benevolent activities, crafts, car rallies, newsletter creation, editing,  publication— indeed all of the activities which we did were recorded, the lessons learned written up and stored and then used as references for the next time we wanted to undertake a given type of activity so that we could have continuous improvement and a more efficient and effective use of scarce resources.

We dared and succeeded in 1974 because we were imbued with the spirit of our commitment to Judaism and to our community and because we wanted to craft our own unique contribution to the Jewish community at the time.

I hope that there are pioneers like we were around today and the youngsters who participated – now probably grandparents in their own right will be able to recall this experience and consider what they can do for their children and grandchildren today in much the same way that we took a stand so many years ago.



 


____________________
The Jewish Citizen
             
by Donald H. Harrison
 


Whistling right up to the bully

The Bully in Your Relationship: Stop Emotional Abuse and Get the Love You Deserve by Anne-Renee Testa (New York: McGraw Hill, 2007), 278 pages including appendices and indexes; $22.95.


Author Anne-Renee Testa is a psychologist upon whom the song, “I Whistle a Happy Tune,” sung by the character Anna in the 1951 movie The King and I  became a model for practice.  “Make believe you’re brave, and the trick will take you far,” Anne/Anna counsels.  “You may be as brave as you make believe you are.”

In such cases, whistling, readers will learn, is an expression of A.R.T – an acronym of Testa’s for the methodology her patients utilize to stop suffering emotional abuse.

The A stands for Acknowledging the problem.  Usually victims refuse to recognize that they are being bullied.  They blame themselves for the recurring abuse; they replay negative messages in their heads, perhaps from childhood, that they don’t deserve any better.  They rationalize that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship; that accepting the abuse (in whatever form it takes) is their lot in life, or they employ some other coping mechanism which may be equally unhealthy for their self-esteem.

Testa identifies and describes the behavior of 11 bully types, who respectively victimize their partners with such weapons as rage, name-calling, silent-treatment, body-language, temper-tantrums, control, money, sex, scorekeeping, passive-aggressive behaviors, and guilt trips.

Subsequently, she discusses in detail six unhealthy coping mechanisms victims utilize to stop the pain: denial, excuse making, rationalization, avoidance, isolation and destructive distractions.

The R stands for Reassessing your options.  This is akin to the biblical “girding of the loins” by which participants ready themselves to face a difficult moment—whether it be a battle, a hard test, or a feared situation.  Testa urges her readers to write it all down on paper; to specify exactly what the bullying behavior is; how it makes them feel, and how they want to be treated.   All the while she reassures them that no matter what, they deserve respect as human beings and that bullying is wrong.  Just as victims tend to internalize negative messages they have heard since childhood, so too do bullies, she advises.  Rather than internalizing their pain, they are externalizing it.  But they too feel pain and in time, and with care, may be willing to change their behavior.  But if they won’t change, or can’t, then victims must be prepared to leave a partner who persists in the abusive behavior.

The T stands for Taking action. Essentially this is telling the bully how his/ her behavior makes you feel and that whereas you care about that person, you want the bullying to stop.  That’s the part (with thanks to songwriters Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II)  where, like Anne/Anna, you hold your “head erect…so no one will suspect” that you’re afraid.  Testa discusses some of the tactics the bully might employ in response, among them, denial, or counter-attacking, and urges the reader to rehearse the scene many times before playing it, so as to be able to respond to the bully rather than to react to him or her.

Victims of bullies have been subjecting themselves to repeated patterns of abuse their entire lives, so they need continual reassurance that the situation is not their fault, that they can change it, that they deserve respect, and that taking action is better than living with the pain.

The constant repetition of these themes may well be necessary, but at times they are reminiscent of another treasured line from The King and I, this one uttered ever so often by the King of Siam: “Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.”

Testa will be among the featured authors at the San Diego Jewish Book Fair, with a luncheon lecture and book signing scheduled at noon Tuesday, November 6.  Information about this and other events at the book fair may be obtained by clicking the icon at the left.



People of the Books


Sammy Spider's webmaster
coming to SD Jewish Book Fair


By Sherry Berlin

SAN DIEGO—Sylvia Rouss, author of the Sammy Spider books, will be at the San Diego Jewish Book Fair Family Day on Sunday,
November 4, 2007 from 1:00 – 5:00 p.m. at the La Jolla Jewish Community Center.

The Sammy Spider books are about the curious spider and his often-unlucky adventures with the Shapiro family.  In each story, Sammy the spider and his family explain the Jewish holiday customs celebrated by the Shapiro family.  These stories and their paper cut illustrations have enchanted children for many years.

Another wonderful book, written by Sylvia Rouss, is from her “Littlest” series, which all teach lessons such as tolerance, taking care of others, or overcoming fears.  The Littlest Pair tells the story of Noah’s Ark.  Of all the animals that enter the Ark, the littlest pair is two termites.  Despite their tiny size, the other animals fear the termites, because “after all, termites eat wood, the Ark is made of wood, so…Termites Eat Arks!” 

But in the end, the termites save the day when they eat a piece of wood, creating the sawdust that keeps the animals from sliding side to side as the ark rolls against the waves.  Noah reprimands the other animals for treating the termites so badly.  “The way you treated the termites was terribly wrong.  But I’m glad you’ve decided we can all get along.”  Although young children most often enjoy this story, its universal message can be used with older children to demonstrate that everyone should be treated with respect.  The Littlest Pair won the National Jewish Book Award.

Tali’s Jerusalem Scrapbook is another award winning book by Sylvia Rouss, which received the Sydney Taylor Award for Notable Books for Younger Readers from the Association of Jewish Libraries.  Tali is a nine-year-old girl who resides in Jerusalem with her family.  The summer before the story begins, her family from America traveled to Israel to celebrate her cousin’s Bar Mitzvah and her birthday.  Her aunt and uncle gave her a scrapbook.  Tali decides that the scrapbook will tell the story of her life and calls it the “Jerusalem Scrapbook.” 

Tali is disappointed when her family from America will no longer visit her in Israel because of the political tensions and unsafe traveling conditions.  She and her Abba discuss the changes in Israel that have made their lives more difficult.  Upset by this situation, Tali takes a walk to the park across the street.  There she meets Mr. Feldman, who lives in her apartment building.  She shares her disappointment with him. 

Joined by her friends, Dahlia and Leah, Tali talks with Mr. Feldman about the changes in Israel.  He explains that what makes Jerusalem so special are the “people from different lands and different religions.” 

 

Tali and her friends then go back to her apartment to look at the pictures in her scrapbook and reminisce of other times.  The story ends on a hopeful note, as Tali makes her birthday wish, “I hope next year you’ll be in my Jerusalem Scrapbook.”

We are so fortunate to have Sylvia Rouss coming to San Diego.  Her books delight children with their messages and colorful illustrations, and are wonderful for teaching and discussion groups. 

Berlin is the librarian at San Diego Jewish Academy