By Donald H. Harrison

LA JOLLA, Calif.—On the “New Books” shelf of the San Carlos branch of the San Diego Public Library, I spotted My Dad and Me by Larry King and realized that probably no book could be more fitting to take to Scripps Green Hospital to read yesterday while my energetic, 87-year-old,  father-in-law, Sam Zeiden, underwent heart valve replacement and quadruple bypass surgery.  After nine  hours, Dr. James Hemp, his surgeon, emerged to let us know his condition was stabilized.

In that time in the waiting room of the hospital, which borders the famed Torrey Pines Golf Course, there was plenty of time to read King's book and also to watch our hometown relief pitcher, San Diego Padre Trevor Hoffman, blow a 2-1 National League lead and allow the American League a 3-2 All Star game victory.

King culled comments from 125 interviewees about what they had learned from their dads, and while perusing the book, I couldn’t resist asking my wife Nancy and her brother Carl what they had learned from their dad.

"Shalom bayit,” responded Nancy.  “He believes in peace and harmony in the family.  He always tries to make things calm.”

“Be honest and poor!” laughed Carl.  “I’m sure if he hadn’t passed on his code of ethics to me, I could have been a very rich man.”

King hadn’t asked his interviewees what they had
learned from their fathers-in-law, but I'd like to
 Racing the halls—A day before his surgery, Sam Zeiden took
 his exercise, followed by grandson Edward Zeiden

say that Dad Zeiden has taught me a lot too. Having been involved in electronics all his professional life—first in radio manufacturing and later in the aircraft industry—he is a wonderful source of information about anything that whirrs or runs on electrical power.  “Don’t buy electronics when they first come to market,” he counsels.  “If you wait, the next generation product will work better and cost less money.”

The author and CNN interviewer begins his book issued this year by Crown Publishers with a recollection of his own father:  “One of the values he taught me was never to lie.  In fact, once we were sitting at the dinner table and he asked me how I had liked Hebrew school  that day, and I said ‘Fine.’  He whacked me in the head, and I fell down.  He had run into a kid who said I wasn’t in Hebrew school that day.  That was a lesson well learned.”

I paid particular attention to some of the stories that other fellow Jews told about their fathers.

Bernie Brillstein, an executive producer of Ghostbusters and other movies, commented: “From the time I was very young, my dad always told me to keep my fingernails clean.  Because when you meet someone new, if the first thing they see are dirty fingernails, their opinion of you won’t be too hot.”

Comedian Sid Caesar, uncharacteristically serious, said his father told him if he has a dispute with other people, remember “there are two H’s, no hollering and no hitting—that only makes it worse. Try to make them understand what they just did , and how it affects you, and how it affects them.  Try to reason with them….”

Attorney Alan Dershowitz’s father also had advice about fighting: “Always fight up, never fight down.”  According to the son, “he meant that I should always fight with people who are more powerful, more influential and stronger than I am.”  Although he was referring to street fights, the advice carries over to political battles.  “I try to take on presidents, chief justices, and other prominent people, rather than those in lesser positions of authority.”

Psychic Uri Geller remembered that his father disciplined him with beatings, “but he was a scrupulously fair man who did not lash out unless he believed I deserved it.  The worst thrashing of my life was delivered after I stole a Torah scroll from a schoolmate….My father’s rage was terrifying.  I thought he was going to kill me, and he could have done so with the buckle end of his belt as he laid into me—but for all his anger, he never lost control."

Actor Steven Hill quoted six maxims of his father’s: “The best thing for a man is silence.”  “Everything in due time.”  “Learn to read between the lines.”  “Don’t get a swelled head.”  “Obey the law.”  And, “Sleep on it.”

Actor Jack Klugman said his father openly showed affection.  “He would rub his unshaven chin against my young face and we both would laugh uncontrollably.  It felt like I was being tickled, so I would squirm and giggle and he would laugh at my reaction…. I have passed his legacy on to my two sons and my granddaughter…”

World Chess Champion Susan Polgar recalled it was her father who had explained to her when she was a young girl how to move chess pieces.  “He had the knack to make it all sound like fairy tales with a ‘king and a queen living in a beautiful castle.’  He made up funny and interesting games such as Pawn Wars…”

Photographer Linda Solomon also credited her father with igniting her career interest.  When she was five, he gave a camera.   For her 13^th birthday he gave her an “elaborate and elegant photo album” in which to keep her photographs.

Finally, producer Aaron Spelling attributed his first career break in Hollywood to his father seizing a moment.  One day when Eddie Cantor was performing in their town, the comedian ripped his coat.  As Spelling’s father was a tailor he immediately offered to sew it for no charge.  While he did so, he persuaded Cantor to look at some scripts his son had written.  The result: Cantor invited Spelling to come to Hollywood to do some scriptwriting!

By the time the book and the All-Star Game were done, those of us in the waiting room hoping for news were getting pretty tense.   But then came a phone call from the operating room to tell us that the multiple procedures had been concluded and the surgical team was keeping him under observation to see how well his heart worked without the aid of a  machine.   Nancy's father thereby once again demonstrated the value of Shalom Bayit, peace in the house.  I could see the tension drain from my wife and a smile come to her face.